capn_elly's Xanga

Confused.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:40:05 GMT

Will someone please explain to me why americans dont want standard health care?

Cuz they don't want to help out fellow man? Those immigrants don't deserve it. Those hookers dont deserve it. etc etc.

you have no idea how important it is for people to have proper health care, regardless of their "class"

Yes you have to pay some, and yes you have others piggybacking on you, but you do not have the right as a human being to deny them basic care. If you pay for them SO BE IT.

my god...you have people donating money to 3rd world countries but FUCK fellow americans.

i'm just baffled.

Dear Ian

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 03:45:34 GMT

I can't imagine my life without you.
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I live to see you give me that big gummy grin, or hear you sigh happily into my ear as you are ripping out my hair. I love your messy avacado face. I love your poop face. I love your stinky farts..ok maybe not LOVE them...Even when you cry, I can't be angry with you. I do get frustrated, but never at you. I can't wait for all of your firsts, and yet I don't ever want them to come because it willmean you are one step closer to growing into a man, and all of this will be memories.

Dear Ian, I love you more than anything. I hope I am a good mother to you.

xoxoxoxo

Mommy.

welcome to my nightmare

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:39:31 GMT

apparently i need to grow another body to do everything else, since i can't seem to get anything done.

and my hair is falling out.

i feel very bitchy...and am in dire need of a good nights sleep.

*grumble cry*

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 18:46:04 GMT

Do you believe positive thinking brings about positive results?

Long ago, I had the most positive outlook. I literally got anything and EVERYTHING i thought about. I wanted to leave ontario, and I did. I wanted a job badly in my feild and in a matter of months through some strange coincidences, I got it. I wanted my supervisors job, I got it the next year (dont worry, he was promoted to other things). I got an amazing boyfriend turned hubby.

Well.

There is something else I want now. I am not going to say it, but I know that the power of a positive attitude can bring to me what I desperately want. So.... send me more positive thoughts, cuz I like living a happy and fulfilling life!

by the way...we bought a bowflex. HAHAHA I know, someo f you may think thats cheesey, but seriously...its a great investment! so much cheaper than a gym memebership for 2. And a lot less pain on your joints! I cant wait for it to come...Yay i miss having muscle!! woot!

have a great day!

And Now I know!

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:03:51 GMT

We went to the doctor today..the GI specialist. Ian is allergic to both dairy and soy. I asked him about mine..and why I could all of a sudden eat dairy again. Apparently preggie women can lose their allergies...they call this "honeymoon phase" also, if that happens, usually around 3-4 months (like..NOW) they have a huge spike in the allergy and it gets very bad...hence those horrid cramp/bloating/d word combo i was having. not a side effect of medicine, but from the DAIRY. I never figured out why having soy instead only lessen the symptoms to "tollerable" but if it is the protein I am allergic to (not the sugar) than I would have a soy allergy as well, and that is why i still had gastro distress just less...lol. mm rhymes!

As you can imagine, my choice of foods has now been dramatically cut.....no more cheese, no more cookies (butter) no more cake, or yogurt, and...NO MORE SOY SAUCE. meaning..no chinese, no miso soup, no edamame..
waaaaah

please mourn my loss with me.. *sniff*

Is it wrong for me to give up?

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 19:49:31 GMT

Since the day IAn was born, we have had trouble breastfeeding. So many problems arose culminating 2 weeks ago into a nursing strike where i was be beaten by his little baby fists when trying to feed him. regular visits to the lactation clinic has not helped. So the 2 weeks ago, my milk supply began to dry up because Ian refused to drink from the breast. Pumping, SURE! no breast though. Doctor surmised perhaps the milk flowed to forceful for a minute then piddle to a dribble he would have to work for. I dont know..perhaps. I think it was a little dribble he didnt want to work for..meh. what ever, fact is, he wouldnt eat and my milk was going. so she put me on domperidone.

Now 2 weeks later, i have milk, Ian will drink from breast about half the time, the other half beating me and crying and vomiting still (tons since the day he came out!), and not gaining enough weight (vomiting issue), and now i have these horrible excrutiating abdominal cramps followed by many many unpleasent trips the the washroom...and the doc is telling me she doesnt think its the meds because i was already on it for 2 weeks.

ok so what then? 3 days of this bullshit (LITERALLY) i have no fever, nothing wrong...i have a stomach flu that no one else around me has?? i halvedmy dosage and that seems to space out these episodes more...but really.

is it wrong of me to throw in the towel on breastfeeding? i enjoy it so much, i love the bonding and i only want the best for my son. but... i am so stressed out and frustrated. I get freaked out and cry when i try to feed him becuase i dont know what to do. do you consider that "over-reacting"?

ah guys....everything about my lil guy is awesome, except this whole eating thing. what if he has reflux and he associated with with the breast because everytime he eats from it he vomits. like...literally within second of coming off the breast/bottle he just upchucks. NOT spit up..i mean VOMIT. we have an appointment with a pediatric GI specialist next week....if he solves the vomiting mystery and Ian still refuses the breast...i just cant keep doing it. its just draining...

i feel like crappola...and i feel another horrible cramp coming on. ugh.

Better..better

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 06:03:27 GMT

It only took 2 months or so, but i feel much better. I am more in tune with Ian, I know which cry means what, and he does little warning signs before hand so i can even avoid the crying if i can. This is nice. He smiles A LOT. he make a buttload of sounds, and he laughs at silly things. He rolls over, and can pull himself up. He's also almost 13 lbs! doc says that is the 75% percentile, that only 25% of babies his age weigh more than him. yay Ian for being a giant chubby pants! lol. its funny too, cuz he doesnt really look chubby, ya know? just has big cheeks and is very long. he wears 6 month old clothing, but its baggy on him width wise, but nice and perfect lengthwise. hahaha. hes a cutie.

I even have nicknames for him now, Hercules, Houdini, LittleBear, Fidel (uh..i joke about him being a commie bastard with Uncle Bob, cuz Ian's fave toy happens to be a red star hahaha) and shit machine. LOL

He also sleeps 5 hours in his baby hammock, wakes up eats and goes back to sleep for another 3-4 hours. So i get sufficient sleep (at least this is most of the time, not all).

the max time he has ever cried is 1.5 hours straight, and that isnt very often. Anyhow, i just looked at my past blogs and they looked depressing so i thought i'd let everyone know i have settled into motherhood, adn life is good.

yeehaw!

i dunno

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 21:55:43 GMT

I feel depressed.

very let down.........

seriously.

Another phase..

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:25:21 GMT

Ian has entered a stage where he cannot go to sleep.
for the past couple of days its been impossible for him. He WANTS to, he yawn, rub his eyes, nod off in your arms, but 30 min later. BAM eyes wide awake.

I tried feeding, rocking, CAR RIDE, everything that normally worked, but to no avail. he isn't crying, or hungry, he just sits there and moves his hands and feet, and opens his eyes wide to stare at you.

currently he has been up since 330am, and not one bit of sleep. its now 130pm...that meas i also go with only 30min-1hr of sleep at a time....

so my fellow mothers...come across this problem? ideas/suggestions or insight?

GRATEFULLLLLLLLLL

I feel terrible

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:19:41 GMT

I am having some feelings about motherhood that I don't know if i am supposed to have. I love my son so much, but I often feel very happy to have hubby's mom take him for the night or for hours on end. and then i feel guilty for not wanting him there. and i get mad at him for having gas, but i am not really mad at him, i am frustrated cuz i don't know how to help him. I don't feel like a good mom, i cry a lot, and i feel very depressed. I especially cry when trying to feed him because since i have had him breastfeeding has been nothing but trouble. i dont want to give up, i try so hard to make sure this is what he has. But my nipples are constantly sore and chapped and it looks like he has a proper latch, but he couldnt if i am sore and chapped. and he often begs for the breast, and eagerly roots for the nipple, but when he gets on he starts pushing away and fighting and pulling my nipple around like its taffy! i get so sore, and frustrated, and then he pushes off the boob, only to cry because he is still hungry!!! i burp him a lot, and he burps. he farts. he expells the gas but still writhes like he is in pain. and tot op it all off, he vomits ALOT. little ones, big ones. midwife says not to worry, but i cant help worrying.

aah, i feel so bad, like a total failure because my patience is nil, i cant calm him down, i have no idea how to!!

i am at a loss.